And that is how the cookie crumbles

Today in a speech viewed all across the world, the president has unveiled his plan to solve the largest crisis to face our children ever.  This momentous crisis of course is the problem of cookie crumbling.  When appealing to his fan-base of first graders, he made it will known that he will not tolerate discussion or even debate.  As he states:

So today, for the sake of our children, and the health and safety of all
Americans, I’m directing the Environmental Protection Agency to put an end to
the limitless dumping of cookies from our power plants, and complete
new pollution standards for both new and existing power plants.  (Applause.)

The statement was a resounding success as the auditorium of first graders loved it.  More cookies for all!  All children know that more is better as this commercial shows:

And so his statement that we need to stop the limit-less pollution of cookies and save those cookies for the first graders was a resounding success.

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Missing Heat is found!

H/T:  Elmer from M4GW

In Breaking News today, Trenberth’s missing heat has been found.

Many may recall that Dr. Kevin Trenberth said this in one of the Climategate emails:

“The fact is that we can’t account for the lack of warming at the moment and it is a travesty that we can’t.”

But now we can all rest easy, the world is going to roast and we are all going to die, because the heat has been found and is it hot hot hot!